Friday, February 17, 2012

joy and pain are like sunshine and rain

*you may remember that song from the 90's

there is a lot of joy lately. joy in the midst of pain is good. in fact, it's better, i think. or maybe i'm just a little bit more in-tuned to the joy. because let's be honest, in the midst of pain it can be too much to live in the pain alone. thankfully the veil of pain is lifted often and i can see the joy.

there is joy in the sweetness that is Charis Root. when see sings with me at bed time. we are both out of tune, but the sound is so sweet. when she prays with me and thanks God for her mama and daddy and friends at school and then random things like butterflies. when she gives me hugs and juicy kisses. when another mom tells me that she is easy and really sweet. i mean, i know this, so to hear another mom say it feels good. (don't get me wrong...she has her normal 2 year old moments)

oh i love crinkle nose!

there is joy in the way my husband tells me that he sees beyond my physical self (you know the whole no breasts and hair thing). his "i love you" is more meaningful and impactful these days. there is joy in the depth of our intimacy and conversations.

our first i-phone pic @ best buy

there is joy in nature, in God's creation. in the sunrise i only see on our way to Duke. in the birds i seem to notice more on these trips. like the other morning there had to have been hundreds maybe even thousands of birds flying in a flock that stretched possibly a half mile. i'm not exaggerating! i'm so fascinated by why and how they do this. and i know it's all God's design.

sunset at Yadkin River Basin on 85 N

there is joy in spending time with friends who know me and love me so well. who have not been and are not afraid to enter this with me. there is joy in the new friends i've made along the way.

i heart friends

there is joy in baby bellies. and simultaneously there in pain in the longing for babies and the loss of babies. i feel like i have both around me.

there is joy in a restful and lazy weekend at the sunrises and sunsets, in walks on the beach, in dolphins swimming by the shore, in bike rides, in turtles lounging on alligators, in yummy food, in hot tubs, in good conversation, and in rest and comfy pants.

one of my many beach pics

i remember singing this song at Young Life a lot. these first few lines always stick with me:
There is joy in the Lord
There is love in His Spirit
There is hope in the knowledge of Him

JOY, LOVE and HOPE can and do exist in the midst of suffering and pain. and i am thankful that in the process we are getting to experience it ALL. i'm not afraid to sit in the pain or frustration or sadness or anger that can come with living with cancer. i know it will pass and what takes it's place is peace, comfort, grace, hope, love and JOY.


Chrisann said...

Such a powerful word. Thank you! May His JOY be abundant each and every day.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I've been following your story for a long time through a friend of a friend. I have been praying for you and your family. You outlook is so honest and raw and I much appreciate it (although I know it is not at all for me). If you ever doubt that God is using you, please don't. He is. Your grace and honestly through all you've gone through as served as a wake-up call to me and many others. You are truly amazing even though I'm sure you don't feel that way. I am grateful for your presence in my life even though you don't know me or the impact that you've made.