Monday, September 21, 2009

I am a broken seashell

I am not one of those people that feels like "the Lord really laid this on my heart" kind of people. I probably don't hear from Him so much because I'm usually doing all the talking. So when (if) it happens I feel super special b/c it's something that He wants me to hear specifically from Him. And it happened recently.
While I was at the beach for our YL staff women's retreat, God spoke to me. And it was really cool. So cool that as I thought about it today, I felt that it's worth sharing. During our time there we looked at Jesus healing the bleeding woman (Mark 5:24-34). This has always been a story I loved b/c God not only healed her physically, He freed her spiritually, mentally & emotionally. She left her encounter with Christ changed on all sorts of levels. morning I went for a walk on the beach. It was such a great morning. I spent my walk praying (me talking) and just observing. I noticed that a lot of people were out looking for seashells. So, I started looking down to see if I could find a really cool one. This beach had some great shells. This is when it happened...

I was looking for shells--kinda. I love the spiral ones. And i was looking for one that was perfect and whole. In the meantime I'm passing up and over looking hundreds of other shells. That's when I felt the Lord say, "See, I don't look for the one that is whole or put together, but rather the one who is broken. And in that brokenness or imperfection I find beauty." I was so struck by this. And I really thought about how sometimes I even feel that I can't go to Him broken, but yet that's when I need Him the most. Then there are the shells that look perfect, and the moment I pick them up and turn them around, they are broken. Or the ones that just have their insides exposed. All are beautiful in their own way. The bleeding woman was a broken, but beautiful shell. I am a beautiful, but broken shell. An God is inviting me, beckoning me, to come to Him. In fact, He seeks me out as I try to hide among the other broken shells, or as I try to show my best side to fool Him (& others) into thinking I'm okay, I'm not broken. Yet, with any further digging He finds that I am not whole and I am ashamed of this. And still He passes up the perfect & whole shells to pick me up and take me home because to Him I am beautiful, I am a treasure.

I was so thankful that God showed this to me and continues to allow it to sink into my heart.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Year of Surprises

It has been a year of surprises for me...and by year I mean the one that started November 8th, 2008 when I turned 30.
I started the year with a surprise birthday party (amazingly pulled off by my husband, sister, and best friend). It was absolutely amazing and the best surprise ever. Since I was turning 30 I wanted to be celebrated big time...and I was. Then in March we took our first trip to California where I was surprised to find out how much I love it (northern Cali that is). Driving along the Pacific Ocean had to be the best. But, the surprise came on March 15th after our trip when we found out I was pregnant. Yes...SURPRISE!! What an amazing journey that has been so far...I have come to love this little life growing inside of me. When we found out she is a girl, I was surprised to realize that I was excited about that. I always saw myself with boys...mainly b/c when it comes to bows and monograms and all that girly stuff, I'm at a loss. Plus, we girls can be mean. But, I was excited and that was a big surprise. Last week I got another surprise when I took a quick trip with about 14 other YL staff women to the beach. I am technically the Regional Womens Coordinator or something like that, so it is part of my job to care for the women on staff and to give them a voice in the greater mission of YL. I actually love this part (surprise). Anyway...these women, some of whom I just met, through me a surprise baby shower while we were at the beach. It was such a sweet surprise. They really got me! I got our stroller and they spent a few minutes sharing things they appreciated about their parents and even things about me, then they prayed for us. It was simply wonderful.

walking into the room--shock!

the ladies "surprising" me!

i mean--who knew a stroller would be so exciting!!

So, here I am, 7 weeks away from becoming a mom. Yes, I'm excited. But I am also freaked out. I know that I'm in for some more surprises (especially since the "year" isn't up yet).