TRUST

we all remember those trust falls, whether is was something we did with friends or part of some team building exercise. but if you've ever done one, you know that feeling of letting go and believing that the person behind you can and will catch you. to trust. we talk a lot about trust in relationships...losing it, earning it back, gaining it, etc. we talk a lot about it in the church too. i love when i read a book and they've really broken down the meaning of a word. i'm not going to do that for you here. i don't know what trust means in Greek. i don't know it's root word or how many times it's mentioned in the Bible. i do know that Jesus had to really trust His Father when He stretched out His arms on the cross and when His Papa turned His back on Him as He hung on that cross bearing the sins of the world. i know that when i stood at the alter at Independence Park almost six years ago making vows to Adam that we both had to have a certain trust that the other would follow through with those vows. Little did I know how soon we'd be living out those "for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health" vows. i do know that trust has always been a big part of my story. trust.

one of the verses that was impactful/meaningful/important to me in jr. high/high school was Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (or direct your paths)."
After my parents got divorced I was clearly let down and clung to my faith in Jesus and my friends and youth leaders at church. this verse became crucial for me...who and what was i putting my trust in? there was a lot at the time i didn't understand. this verse tells me not to lean on my own understanding...it falters and is weak. putting my trust in the Lord is what's going to sturdy me...make my paths straight. it doesn't say my life will be easy. but, for me, it was a promise that God would not disappoint or abandon me. it was worth putting my trust in Him.

that has come up lots in my life since then. in work and in relationships. and especially now. there are these "key" words that i feel like pop up a lot. remember in Pee-Wee's Playhouse show they had a word of the day and if you said it everyone would scream. it's like that. and TRUST is one of the main ones. (feel free to scream and act like pee-wee every time you read it) lately i've been reading Jesus Calling and i think the whole month of March was written for me. but it's been a lot about trusting Jesus. Here are a few excerpts from the book:
"Trust me one day at a time...Trust is not a natural response, especially for those who have been deeply wounded. My Spirit within you is your resident Tutor, helping you in this supernatural endeavor." March 18
"Walk by faith, not by sight. As you take steps of faith, depending on Me, I will show you how much I can do for you. If you live your life too safely, you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you." March 11
"Waiting, Trusting, and Hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain. Trusting is the central strand, because it is the response from My children that I desire the most...Waiting for Me to work, with your eyes on Me, is evidence that you really do trust Me. If you mouth the words "I trust You" while anxiously trying to make things go your way, your words ring hollow." March 12

something i've learned about myself is that i have a very childlike faith. there isn't much i question. i don't question much of what God did or does. i mean, i question people, but not God. i don't necessarily question the "why." i accept Him at His Word. i really do. it's a strange thing sometimes. so when He tells me to "trust in Him" i try. when He says, "do not be afraid" i'm not. when He says "do not worry," I don't. i'm not saying i'm perfect or i don't waver. for the most part i'm just really trusting of God. and it's hard at times. it's hard when after 3 chemos my cancer can still grow. it's hard when Adam meets with person after person after person and still has no job leads. it's hard when people let me down and hurt me. it's hard when one of our cars breakdown, again. it's hard when we have to keep borrowing money. it's hard when i just don't get it or understand. what i do know is that God is constant. He is the same regardless of our circumstances. He is faithful. He is loving. He is gracious. He is good. He is worth trusting. and i've learned to trust Him more during this season. it's tempting to put my trust in my doctors or the medicine or a diet, but only the God who breathed life into existence and raised the dead is worth my trust. and it is a daily choice. i have to decide each day to trust Him. Trust that He is with us. Trust that He cares, that He loves. Trust His story for us. Trust His timing. Trust His "pleasing and perfect will."

i am thankful for all that God is teaching us and all that we are learning. my faith is deeper and bolder because of what we are walking through. i really believe and know God's perfect love for us. i am reminded of it daily. especially through this little lady