It has been a week. You know, 5 weekdays makes a week. For me, it's just been a tough week. My 5th round of chemo was tough, both emotionally and now physically. (you can read those emotional details on my CB www.caringbridge.org/visit/amypatwa). I think the accumulation of meds it taking it's toll and I'm having trouble sleeping, or rather, staying asleep. Tonight I cozied up in bed at 9pm to read and fell right to sleep only to be back up by midnight-ish. Plus I'm not really feeling good. Forgive me, this isn't supposed to be a bitch fest, although sometimes it may take that shape. I don't even feel bad, just not good. And extremely frustrated that I can't sleep and I have a 10 1/2 month old to take care of all day tomorrow. Which I love and am excited about because she's amazing. But, unless I can't get back to sleep before Adam leaves for work, I'm doomed. Okay, doomed is dramatic. But you get it.
Chemo gives me this really bad taste in my mouth...like metally bad breath. Ugh, it's awful. No amount of fizzy drink or ice cream can make it go away.
What I really want to share is something sweet in the midst of my tough week. I continue to be amazed by people I know, but it's strangers that can really blow you away. I went to Columbia yesterday for one of our staff meetings. I got there early so I stopped by a CVS to get a few things and one woman stopped me to comment on how bold I was to go bald and how beautiful I looked. She told me about the first time she cut her hair short and it was liberating, and although she didn't know my reasoning for going bald, she was just so blown away by my boldness. I could sense she knew but didn't really want to know why. Then, just minutes later a women walked past me and lightly grabbed my arm to tell me that I look beautiful and that I have a glow about me. I was floored by these 2 women's kindness and to not be afraid to say something to this bald girl. So, I may find myself back at the CVS for some more. Then, on my way home I just had to stop off at the DQ. There was a business man behind me that told me the baldness was very becoming on me, then we actually got into conversation. He asked if it was by choice and I explained how it kind of was. His mom is a 2 time breast cancer survivor. He was incredibly kind.
I'm not good at approaching people I know, much less strangers. Even in the chemo infusion room I stay to myself and Adam. Of course I'm encouraged by these people's kindness to me, but it's also got me thinking about my ability to reach out to others...cancer, no cancer, hair, no hair, good day, bad day...it doesn't matter really. It's about getting over myself and seeing others.
and now I leave you with this...our joy, our delight, our scrumptiously sweet little lady.