Wednesday, August 24, 2011

you down with IOP!

playing in the surf

we got the opportunity to get away to the beach for a few days. adam was able to take off another day so we made it 4. we left late friday night because we wanted to maximize our time and i'm so glad we did. the house was right across the street from the beach and the weather was perfect the whole time. it was exactly what we needed.

charis LOVED it. i knew she'd love it but seeing is believing. she was content to play in the sand, scooping and dumping and digging. she was brave in the water as she boldly walked through the crashing surf. even when it knocked her down she didn't seem phased but got back up and kept going. if it wasn't for lunch and nap time or that it's unsafe to be out in the sun all day, i think she would have stayed on the beach all day.

digging and digging

i decided to forgo my "special" suit with breast forms for my old regular suit with nothing. it had a little padding but it clearly didn't fool anyone. i'm just not comfortable in the other suit with breast forms. as we walked to the beach that first day i felt scared and liberated all at once. let's just say that the beach isn't a safe place (like the Y) for me in a swimsuit. but there is something about being around strangers that helps me not care. although i wasn't trying to go for a walk on the beach in my suit. as i sat there watching adam and charis play in the surf i became overwhelmed with joy that i wanted to cry. i felt so very thankful for this...a trip away to the beach with my family, watching charis enjoy every bit of it, being well enough to sit on the beach. and i also felt sad that i'm living in a body that continues to betray me and crush my femininity. it's such a strange tension to live in. i can't ignore the sadness i feel. the goodness doesn't take it away. yet having the chance to experience joy in the midst of such pain is a gift. i know this. and i don't take it for granted. my heart could have bursted a lot this past weekend at the beach as i watched our little lady and as i allowed the sadness i've been feeling to surface in the safety of a man who loves me relentlessly.

we tried for a family pic

one post cannot capture all the fun photos so i will have a photo-only post too.

oh and look at that cute butt

1 comment:

Chrisann said...

Looks like that was such a sweet time. You have such a beautiful family. I was thinking about femininity and what really makes us women - no doubt, our outside does, but even more so, it is that brave, nurturing, loyal, fierce spirit in us that continues to amaze us as we walk through what seems to be impossibly difficult challenges. You are the very essence of what it means to be a woman. Blessings friend.